March 18, 2021

Baby, you're a FIREWORK! ... Set to explode.

Mental Health

My head feels like it's going to burst.

Ive never been the greatest writer here, so this will eventually end up being written by dictation or I'll make a video, but here we go.

I'm figuring shit out ... at least I think I am ... like maybe the fact that at 30 you begin to realize, you don't know, what you don't know. You know? I've been going through a lot these past 5 years. Internally, externally, emotionally and mentally.

My job has held promise and been creative mostly. Our daughter was born, therefore I became a father. We've moved away from friends and family and met new people. Really tons of positive stuff has happened... with some devastation along the way, but we don't need to explore that yet. The thing is, I'm 35 and a creative professional who is trying to explore how to become a better me while juggling these other life milestones and responsibilities. The problem is when I finally lay down and "unwind" at the end of the day my brain has only just begun.

I never thought I'd get so caught up in what monster we've created in society... the social / unsocial, connected but never further apart platform that is social media has caught me by storm based on my current profession, it actually keeps me up at night. When you have a restless mind, your brain will catch you sometimes with your pants down and say are you ready to go on this ride right now? no? too bad!

10:01 pm

BOOM much like a firework my thought patterns explode into a million different directions all at once the second my head hits the pillow.

Why haven't you shot this week? Did you reach out to what's her name? You need to capture those presets and package them already. Whens the best time to post for my YouTube growth? Have you invested enough time in educating yourself on an investment portfolio? How is April handing things right now? Has Aspen turned a corner with her tantrums yet? Does it matter that you haven't been in touch with some specific people recently? What am I making for dinner tomorrow? How do I get more time out of the day to focus on productivity with a toddler and being at home all the time? How is she going to handle daycare? What lighting setups haven't I tried? How do I feel about Car photography? Should I be writing this stuff down?

10:02 pm

I read an article recently from an Idol of mine ... Nick Hexum of 311 ... it was on fitness and a restless mind. He said

I have too much going on up there, if I don't workout or do physical activity to end up exhausted by the end of the day I just won't sleep.

Maybe this is a sign that I need to put my mental health in a form of physical activity, because don't get me wrong while I enjoy the hamsters in my brain running on the wheel at high speed. I can't keep going on like this, night after night, while trying to maintain sanity and low anxiety levels.

I have a friend who is a stress expert, and I often wonder what would Rich do in this case ... why don't I just ask?

So now I'm asking you the person who cared enough to read this blog... are you a firework?

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